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Finding Your Support System


Going through a divorce can be physically and mentally draining. It is a massive, life-changing decision to make and is filled with many choices along the way. It is a journey even the strongest of people have a hard time going through alone.

Getting a support system in place before, during, and after your divorce will assist in keeping your life consistent and continuously improving. It will also give you people to fall back on when you lose hope, which will help you keep moving forward. When we inform clients of the benefits a support system can provide, they often rebuttal with the same few questions:

“Where do I begin with building a support system? Who would want to help me?”

There are many ways to make sure you have the support you need when you need it most.

Family and Friends

When looking for help, close friends and family is typically the best place to start. You can begin by informing them of your divorce, and this is a time where you may ask them for help. One important note is that most people are unsure how to react to the news, so be vocal about precisely what you will need.

Whether it is a shoulder to lean on, someone to adventure with to take your mind off of the relationship, or someone to help with the children while you attend an attorney meeting, it is imperative to let them know how they can help so that they can help you.

In most cases, individuals going through a divorce want nothing less than to talk about their divorce over and over again. This is where the help of an entrusted family member or friend comes into play. Providing a close friend or family member with the following information will allow them to inform others of your situation on your behalf. This will enable you to get your mind off of your divorce and will help prevent you from having to explain your situation to others.

Be sure to explain the details you are ok with them sharing, and the details that you don’t want to be discussed with others. Most importantly, remember that gossip and rumors may be spread, so be sure to choose someone who will respect your business and isn’t looking to add to the drama. On the opposite end of the spectrum, be sure to inform them of what you aren’t looking for: how terrible of a divorce they had, mean comments about the partner involved in the divorce, or unnecessary criticism.

Not Everyone is a Good Fit to Help

When looking for support, the truth is, not everyone is in a place in their life where they can help, and some outright don’t want to help. It is safe to say people like this will not be able to provide beneficial emotional support. When looking to build your support system, be sure to choose those who have supported you through other tough times in life. They should honor your word and your feelings, and stay faithful to you.

Having someone who is invested in helping make your life better will do wonders for helping you get through your divorce as painless as possible. There may be situations which may bring you and your ex together, such as:

  • School functions

  • Weddings

  • Birthdays

  • Funerals

Having someone who will attend these functions will give you a significant confidence boost, along with helping you maintain healthy relationships with others.

Other Options for Support

While it may be obvious to reach out to close friends and family first, there are other options available. Friends and family may be there for you, but they may not know how you are feeling or what is going on inside of your mind.

This is where community support groups and other resources come into play. Communities filled with others going through a divorce, who are feeling the same emotions you are, are available in many different forms:

  • One on one meetings with counselors

  • Online chat rooms

  • Group meetings

These types of support systems are great because they give unbiased opinions, and they have no prior knowledge of you or your partner to base their ideas. Not only will they provide you helpful insight, but they will also be relatable. This is something that may make you feel “normal” again, which helps immensely in the healing process.

What the Help of a Professional Can Do for You

Yes, friends, family, and resource groups are all crucial components to help you get through your divorce process. However, they are more than likely not professionals, meaning they won’t have the knowledge to give you advice on things like:

  • Financial trouble

  • Emotional pain

  • Child custody

  • The legal process

This is information that you are best suited to receive from a qualified Virginia family law attorney. At Bush & Taylor, our team of compassionate attorneys works around the clock to help make our client’s divorce process as simple as possible.

Contact us today at (757) 926-0078 to schedule your free case evaluation and get the support you need.